Well, there’s a considerable amount of egg on my face today — and absolutely zero cloth on my ass. The reason? Let’s just say my longstanding devotion to OxyContin hasn’t done any wonders for my hearing. You see, when I… Read More ›
Tag Archive for ‘Strip Clubs’
S. Truett Cathy Is A Seriously Deranged Individual
I had to go into the city on business yesterday — legitimate venture capitalism business, thank you — and decided to grab lunch at the Metropolitan Club. Not to brag, but I’m a legacy member. In fact, my maternal great-grandfather, Tobias… Read More ›
Soccer Is The Worst Thing In The World
Has it really been a week since my last post? Well, so much for regular updates, eh? Not that I care. I’m disgustingly wealthy and sleep with a different prostitute — or more — every night. Furthermore, I live in… Read More ›
People Should Mind Their Own Business
“But Mr. Carver, I really don’t see a stain down here!” This was said by my fill-in secretary, Miss Sugarteats, who was temporarily assigned to me due to an illness on the part of my regular secretary, Miss Cashtushy. She… Read More ›
Your Children Aren’t Cute To Anyone But You
Lucky me: it’s “Bring Your Children to Work Day” at Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs. Which means the office was crawling with an army of unsocialized, disease-infested midgets when I stumbled through the front door at a little before 10 this morning…. Read More ›
Hell Hath No Fury Like A Booty Call Scorned
An old friend of mine was in town last night. You’d recognize his name were I gauche enough to reveal it, but I’ll simply refer to him as the Carnival Tycoon so as to protect his identity. At any rate,… Read More ›
