Good lord, where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday that I launched this “blog,” as the hep kids call it, yet my VP of communications tells me it’s been eleven years. Eleven! That might not sound like much in the… Read More ›
Happy Friday, slobs. Yes, yes, I realize I haven’t posted for a bit, but there’s a reason for that. Reason being, I’m living in Trump’s America as an obscenely wealthy Caucasian male with the right connections, which means anything resembling… Read More ›
“Montgomery?” I said groggily, staring at my decrepit butler through sleep-encrusted eyes. He was carrying one of my solid-gold house phones on a diamond-studded platinum tray. “What’s the meaning of this? Who sent you?” “Telephone call, guv’nor,” he said. “From… Read More ›
When I saw this article in today’s paper, I immediately grabbed my phone and pressed the first button on the speed dial. Instead of a decent, American ringtone, my ears were blasted with a tinny instrumental version of “Free Bird;” the… Read More ›
It was kind of a wild weekend for me—nothing too outrageous mind you, just the usual call girls and Oxy rails—so I must sheepishly admit that I wasn’t up to speed on some of President Trump’s latest moves until I… Read More ›
Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the replacement of good-paying, benefit-providing blue-collar jobs with part-time flunky positions at Walmart and pizza-delivery… Read More ›
I feel like such a fool. Here I thought, after the blizzard of executive-branch activity since Monday, that today might be a slow news day. My bad; I guess I forgot that President Trump only has one speed: coked out… Read More ›
Oh, hello there. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so you’ll have to excuse the fact that I’m currently in a state of undress while elderly Vietnamese women slather medicinal lotion on my lower extremities. Keep your mind out of the gutter; it’s… Read More ›
Hey there, losers. Long time no enlighten you with my wisdom, huh? Well, there’s a reason for that—specifically, that I spent the past year-plus of Obama’s presidency sedating myself with fine opiates and nasty women. Not the Hillary Clinton variety… Read More ›
Greetings peasants. Yes, today is my 56th birthday. Yes, it’s also this blog’s — and let me note, I’m still not clear on what a blog is — 10th anniversary. But to answer a question I’ve received repeatedly today: No…. Read More ›
First and foremost, please understand that I view the editorial “talent” at French jack-off mag Charlie Hebdo to be no better than the homegrown leftist dopeheads you’ll find panhandling on any given street here in the U.S. Nevertheless, nobody deserves… Read More ›
