I’m In Oxy Heaven

Yeah, so I’m out of the hospital. But I’ll be wearing an ass-splint for the next month, plus one of those conical plastic collars given to dogs after surgery. I’m getting a second opinion on the latter, though; Nurse Lola‘s the one who said I had to wear it, and she was laughing up a storm when I got discharged earlier this afternoon. That bitch.

The good news is, Doc Steinbrau’s helping me ease the pain with a sackful of the rich, fat white man’s drug of choice: OxyContin. Given that I’m as rich, fat and white as they come, society shouldn’t expect jack shit out of me for the next month or so. Certainly not before my prescription runs out, and maybe not even then.

First thing’s first, though — I’m going down to Pete’s Poontang Emporium to snort crushed-up Oxys off some whore’s boobs. Eat your heart out, Rush.

Categories: Dating, Drugs, Health

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