Toot Toot

No doubt about it — my new yacht is worth every penny. And believe me, I paid plenty of pennies for that beauty. More than most of you will ever have, that’s for sure.

I took her out on her maiden voyage today. It was me, Leo Dreisdale, Bosco Peterman, and five whores; one each for my guests, one for the crew to share, and two for me. Oh, and my houseboy Kang, who was there to serve drinks and food, but I considered him crew so he doesn’t really count. Regardless, the weather was perfect, the seas were smooth, and the good times most assuredly did roll.

“Hell of a ship, Oz!” said Dreisdale, head of accounting down at the company. We were lounging in the Donkey Punch‘s saloon, sipping Kang’s perfectly mixed martinis and waiting for the whores to come up in their bikinis. “I oughta look into getting one of my own.”

“What, with a wife and three kids at home?” I scoffed. “Good luck to you, sir. No, yachts are more the terrain of jet-setting bachelor executives, such as myself.”

“Dammit, Oz, you’ve one-upped us again!” wailed Peterman, who oversees the company’s purchasing division. “We can’t compete with your extravagant lifestyle when we’ve wives to pamper and children to put through college!”

“Ha ha, yes,” I said, lighting a fat cigar. “Well, I’m sure there’s some advantage to the married life — I’m just having trouble finding it aboard my new yacht!”

We had a good chuckle at that, just as the whores waltzed into the saloon wearing their skimpy bikinis. Kang went wild with lust upon seeing such scantily clad women, and gave a blood-curdling cry as he leaped from behind the bar. Within seconds he had one of the whores on the ground, dry-humping her face like there was no tomorrow.

“Well, looks like Kang has claimed Laticia for the crew,” I laughed, swallowing a handful of Oxys before passing the bag around. I headed through the sliding glass door to the sun-drenched deck outside. “Come on, everyone! Let’s give these lovers a little privacy and go test the Donkey Punch‘s cannons on some poor person’s boat!”

The weapons test went flawlessly, handily sinking a low-rent pontoon and its very surprised hillbilly occupants. What can I say? If you don’t wanna get bit, don’t swim with sharks.

Categories: Business, Culture, Dating, Drugs, Leisure, Servants

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