What? It’s Mardi Gras

So apparently the housewives in my neighborhood have no love for the traditions of New Orleans. I stood in front of my local Piggly Wiggly all afternoon with a box full of cheap plastic beads, and all I have to show for it is a black eye, a torn suit, and a citation for lewd and lascivious conduct. But nary a peek at even a single naked boob.

Not that I can blame them: New Orleans is, after all, a disgusting den of iniquity, and I usually ignore everything that comes out of it. Still, even a broken calendar can be right once a year.

Wait. Dammit. I should’ve gone to the community college. If there’s one thing drunken young sluts are known for doing, it’s showing strange men their tits. Oh well. I’ll keep it in mind for next year.

Categories: Culture, Dating, Legal

Tags: , , , , , ,

4 replies

  1. silly man, don’t you know that the way you get housewives from suburbia to show boobs is with some cheap boxed wine — not cheap beads.

    *everyone* knows that the only thing you get with cheap plastic beads is Miss America finalists. tsk, tsk.

    • Cheap boxed wine, you say? Perhaps if I buy it in bulk I can experience the joy of shopping at a Piggly Wiggly chock-full of suburban housewives naked from the waist down. Thank you for the tip. Also, I can’t help but notice that your name uses an “e,” not an “i,” indicating the female version of that name. Care for some cheap boxed wine?

  2. Sure a CHEAP box of wine will get you a quick peek at middle-aged breasts, but a quality bottle of wine will get you so much more. And by more, I mean sex.

    • I’ll be right over with a bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite. Though fair warning: if you turn out to be my ex-fiance Karina Antoinette Bartholomew-Higgins, I’m going to slap you and leave.

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