Incredibly wealthy bon vivant seeks energetic, hard-working private butler.

Requirements:

• Understand that the utmost in confidentiality and discretion is absolutely mandatory.
• Proactive and anticipatory; a flexible self-starter who won’t goof off without constant supervision.
• World-class mixology skills, particularly when it comes to martinis and Old Fashioneds.
• Mastery of the English language, preferably as their native tongue.
• Computer literate, including the ability to administrate a blog and respond to fan mail in a timely manner.
• No holier-than-thou attitude, at least not while interacting with the employer.
• Possession of all hands, feet, fingers, toes and limbs. Anyone with prosthetics and especially “hook hands” will not be accepted. This cannot be stressed enough.
• Extensive battlefield medicine training.
• Suave British accent is a plus.

Job Description:

The successful candidate will:

• Have previous experience in fine mansions.
• Assume final responsibility for the mansion, maintain orderly operation and meticulous appearance of staff and systems.
• Act as single point of contact for principals.
• Serve mixed drinks on demand with no rolling of the eyes no matter how many drinks are demanded.
• Turn a blind eye to any prescription drug experimentation or visiting ladies of the night.
• Seven-day work week; the position is salaried without health benefits and requests for overtime will not be entertained.

Salary:

• Negotiable. To a point.

To apply, please post your resume as a comment on this listing, or fax it to Mr. Oswald Carver, President of U.S. Marketing, Offices of Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs (LCF). Wimps, weirdos, and whiners need not apply.

Categories: Servants

Tags: Help Wanted, Servants