Nervousness is a rare emotion for an alpha-bull such as myself, but I’m feeling it in spades this evening. The reason? An end-of-winter gala ball hosted by the well-known oil man, Demaine.
Make no mistake, the event itself isn’t what has my vast expanse of stomach tied up in knots. After all, such luminous gatherings are commonplace occurrences for a man of my wealth and status. No, I’m feeling flustered because of the presence of one very notable woman on the guest list.
Her name? None other than world-famous actress Heather Graham. A.K.A. Rollergirl.
Sure, she’s nearly twice the age of the 20-somethings I usually rent, but she’s kept herself in fantastic shape. And though she’s never won an Academy Award, she is without peer when it comes to an even greater honor: my personal Oscar for Most Boner-Inducing Actress. She’s won that coveted prize more times than I can count, and if all goes well, she’ll finally be able to accept it in person before the evening’s through.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go slip into my tux. Dinner starts promptly at 8, and I have no intention of being late.