Transcript of phone call placed on March 8, 2010 at 3:47 a.m. PT to the private residence of overrated actor George Clooney:

[Repeated ringing.]

George Clooney: Yeah. Who…

Unidentified Caller: CLOOOOOOOOOONEY!

GC: What? Who is this?

UC: CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!

GC: Seriously. Do you have any idea what time it is? C’mon.

[Garbled laughter, coughing from unidentified caller.]

GC: Damon?

UC: Ha, no. This is Jeff Bridges’ ass. Even I can act better than you, Clooney! I’m more handsome, too!

GC: Alright, I’m hanging up.

UC: Also, your mom gives great head!

GC: Jesus Christ. Goodnight, asshole.

UC: CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO–

[Transmission ended.]

Categories: Culture

Tags: Academy Awards, Congratulations, Culture, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Writing