Great Nixon’s Ghost, I never should have agreed to help John McCain with his Senate reelection bid. I just arrived in Arizona 30 minutes ago, and though it’s only 6:45 a.m. local time, it’s already hotter than the deepest pits of Hell itself. Madness!
Seriously, how do people live like this? I think I’ve lost five pounds in sweat since my flight touched down. Good thing I brought a handle of Bombay Sapphire in my carry-on bag, or I fear I’d be dead of dehydration. Moreover, I’ve already been approached by three wild-eyed zombies who attempted to sell me large quantities of crystal meth. As if anyone needs high octane stimulants in such an environment.
Uh-oh. Hate to cut this short, but my handlers just arrived to whisk me away to the Senator’s top-secret campaign headquarters for a briefing. I’ll update as my schedule and this infernal heat allows.