Crazy With A Chance Of Awesome

I’ve never been prouder to be a Republican than in the few days since the reigning communists booted their health care package through the legislative goalposts. And that’s really saying something, considering that the mere thought of my party affiliation usually hits me like a quadruple dose of Viagra.

Sure, the bill itself was a black eye for the Grand Old Party. But thanks to two of my all-time favorite political techniques — shouting down opponents coupled with threats of physical violence — we’re once again steering the conversation in a way that would no doubt make the Great Communicator himself swell with pride.

My favorite so far? Fellow conservative pundit Glenn Beck’s assurance that Nancy Pelosi is wondering “what the hell do you have to do to these people to get them to kill us?” Ha! I love it. I suppose that’s why he’s on the radio and cable television while I’m stuck pushing my agenda from this blog. Oh well. At least I’m worth more than him.

Then there are all the phoned-in death threats plaguing Socialist congressmen across the country. Hilarious! And no less than they deserve. I can’t believe I’m quoting this dope-sucking waterhead, but I think John Lennon said it best: “If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow.” Words to live by, my friends.

Alright, time for me to skedaddle. There’s a big Tea Party convention downtown tonight, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Mostly because the female members turn into real whores once their bloodlust gets going, and nobody appreciates a frenzied slut more than me. Bank on it.

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Categories: Culture, Dating, Motivation, Politics, Violence

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