I have no idea what transpired at my palatial estate last night, but there are some clues:
- I found five call girls in my bed, two in the master bathroom, and one each in the pantry, sauna, and library.
- An entire mariachi band is sacked out in my living room. With a donkey.
- There’s a helicopter in my swimming pool.
- A herd of giraffe is wandering the grounds wearing oversized bowties.
In other words, sounds like a good time was had by all. The only disconcerting part is that my primary SUV has “Just Married” written in the back window and is adorned with tin cans on strings. But given that the front passenger seat is occupied by a rather cheap-looking inflatable sex doll, I won’t spend any time worrying about that just yet.
Anyhow, time to find Montgomery. There’s a lot of cleaning to be done, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m lifting a finger to help. Adios.