My my, what a coincidence. Less than a month ago, Chairman Obama announced plans to finally give We the People what we’ve been demanding since this great country was founded: the right to engage in offshore coastal drilling for that sweet, sweet go-juice that keeps our national engine humming.
I’m talking about black gold. I’m talking about Texas tea. I’m talking about… oil.
And now, because of last week’s alleged oil spill, which is allegedly pumping 5,000 barrels of oil a day into the Gulf of Mexico, Obama’s regime is sending mixed signals about that decision. Granted, the Premier is still paying lip service to the idea that it will move ahead, finally freeing us from centuries of strong-arming at the hands of those filthy Arabs. But others in his administration are already starting to lower expectations.
Which has led me to one unavoidable conclusion: Obama himself is responsible for the oil spill.
Shocking, I know, to even ponder the horrible possibility that a sitting presidential usurper would engage in such dastardly behavior. But ask yourself this: does any other explanation make sense? In your heart of hearts, you know the answer is a resounding “no.”
Now, I don’t purport to know exactly how he pulled it off. Maybe he hired a homegrown ecoterrorism group. Or maybe he used out-of-work former ACORN staffers. Or maybe — and frankly, this is the explanation that rings truest for me — he cut a deal with Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez to have “Huey” (as Obama is fond of calling him) send in a team of South American covert ops types to do the deed.
We’ve all seen the pictures of them embracing each other with big smiles on their face. We know birds of a socialist feather flock together. And we know that Obama would like nothing more than to see our once proud nation sink lower than his own chances of reelection in 2012. Q.E.D.
Anyhow, that’s the theory I’m going with, and I plan on making some calls this weekend to see if I can’t get the media to start investigating this shocking possibility. I’m sure they won’t — look at how little credence they give to the very credible questions about Obama’s nationality, for Pete’s sake — but I’ll be damned if I won’t try. And I suggest you do the same.
Do it for your principles. Do it for your country. But most importantly, do it for our oil. You know Ben Franklin would insist on it. OZ-1 out.