Can’t talk long. I’m reporting live from Churchill Downs, where Super Saver just claimed this year’s Kentucky Derby. I didn’t have any money on the winner — never in hell would I bet on a horse with such a lower-class name — but I have managed to purchase one of the losing steeds from its downtrodden owners.
The upside? I’m eating that son of a bitch tonight. The whole goddamn thing. I’ve never eaten horse before, so this should be quite the experience.
Speaking of which, I need to go find a Mexican to do the slaughtering and cooking — I hear they have a real flair for it. Enjoy your Big Mac or whatever it is you poor people eat; I’m out of here.