It would appear that Art Linkletter has died. Which wouldn’t normally bother me — I hated that man — but the bastard kicked off owing me a cool fifty grand from a poker game last year.
Odds of me collecting now? Slightly better than Obama’s chances of a second term; i.e., never in a million years will I see that money. In fact, I probably have better odds of scoring a hummer from my personal secretary, Miss Cashtushy, the next time she brings me a cup of coffee.
Speaking of which, time for me to rub one out to some grainy video footage of Cashtushy using the ladies room here at Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs. Feel free to join me if you’re a woman. Otherwise, get back to work. Now.