I have to admit, this holiday means very little to me. You see, due to our vast wealth and high-placed connections, not a single member of the Carver family has served in the military. Much less died in a war.
That includes my first ancestor in this country, Magnus Carver XVIII, who sent a score of his most useless slaves into combat for him during the American Revolution. What? It was a very common arrangement back then. I mean, you don’t hear any stories about Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson’s combat prowess either, do you? Occasional exceptions notwithstanding, war is and always shall be instigated by the rich and powerful, but carried out by the poor and powerless. Don’t hate the player; hate the game.
Anyhow, I can’t spend all day talking to you. I’m taking a half-dozen call girls out on my new yacht, the Donkey Punch II, and I still need to slip into my commodore uniform before I go. So until tomorrow — toot toot.