“By Her Majesty the Queen!” exclaimed my butler, Montgomery. “Where did that come from?”

“What, this?” I said, referring to the nearly 2-foot-long slimy white thing cupped in my left hand. “Straight out of my nose. Pretty cool, eh?”

“Good lord,” he said. “You do know that’s a tapeworm, right?”

“What?” I said.

“A tapeworm. Wot wot.”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, quite positive. I saw loads of them during the Falklands campaign. Usually coming out of the natives’ anuses, however. Never heard of one coming out of a nose before. Pip pip.”

“Jesus.”

“Indeed.”

With that, I hightailed it over to Doc Steinbrau’s offices, where I was given a battery of tests and medicines. Hopefully he’ll call soon with an update. A man in my position certainly can’t have tapeworms dropping out of his nose during business meetings, after all. Wish me luck.

Categories: Health

Tags: Health, Tapeworms, Writing