Boehner? I Hardly Know Her

Those who know me know there are two things I can’t abide: men who can’t get stuff done, and men who prefer to drink wine. Well, that and women who don’t put out, no matter how much you offer to pay them. OK, and minorities. And yes, I have a deep hatred for Comrade Hussein “Choom” Marx Obama Tse-Tung, but that goes without saying. Then there are the crippled children. Children in general for that matter. And religious freaks. Might as well throw the poor in there, too. Plus the middle class. Oh, and male cheerleaders. And come to think of it, my mother.

Wow, I really got off on a tangent there. What was I talking about again? Oh yes. Men who can’t get stuff done, and men who prefer to drink wine. Two disturbing lines of tits-on-a-snake-level uselessness, and the point where they intersect? John Boehner.

Maybe you don’t remember, but when Boehner first took up the House’s Speakership mantle in the early days of 2011, it seemed all but certain that Obama would be a one-term president known to history as the liberal answer to Warren G. Harding. Ah, who am I kidding? Given that the vast majority of voters in this country are federal teat-sucking dopeheads who can’t even recall what they bought with their EBT cards yesterday (hint: it was crack cocaine), the odds are very good that you don’t remember. But I assure you it’s true. Don’t strain yourself; just pack some more meth into your hookah and take my word for it.

Anyhow, here we are two years later. Obama’s still president, and his approval ratings are higher than they’ve been in years. To make matters worse, Republicans lost seats in Congress, the once-mighty Grover Norquist is flipping and flopping like a dying fish, and the House majority is in disarray to the point where I doubt they could even agree that boobies are delicious mouth candy, much less on a firm direction for leading America out of this Kenyan socialist nightmare and into a bright, shining future we can all be proud of.

And by “we,” I mean myself and other rich people. Just so there’s no confusion there.

Clearly, the bumbling nincompoop who brought us to this low-water mark deserves to have his Speaker title stripped from him. Moreover, his face should be smeared with Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? makeup before he’s tied to the bumper of an Oldsmobile, dragged through the streets of D.C., and unceremoniously dumped in the Potomac. Yet what did the House Republicans do? They made a near-unanimous decision to reelect him as their leader for another two years. Unbelievable.

Oh well. I suppose it’s fitting that the pack of half-bright Republican’ts in the House should continue to be led by a wine-swilling “man” with a penchant for wearing pastel ties, and I’m past the point of caring either way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I ate a lot of Mexican food for lunch and need to go drop a couple of rank deuces on some lucky lass at Pete’s Poontang Emporium. Catch you later.

Categories: Dating, Idiots, Politics

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