Congratulations To John Boehner

Transcript of phone call placed on January 4, 2013 at 3:47 a.m. ET to the Washington residence of overrated House Speaker John Boehner:

[Repeated ringing.]

John Boehner: Yeah. [Sound of cigarette being lit followed by muffled coughing.] Talk to me.

Unidentified Caller: BOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHNER!

JB: The fuck? Who is this?

UC: BOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHNER!

JB: Who the fuck is this? Do you have any idea who you’re fucking with? I’m the Speaker of the House of Representatives, goddamn it!

[Garbled laughter, farting from unidentified caller.]

JB: Cantor?

UC: Ha ha. Yeah, it’s Cantor.

JB: You son of a bitch. Ha! That was a good one. Hey, wanna come over and drink some merlot?

UC: Just kidding. It’s Harry Reid’s ass.

JB: Goddamn it.

UC: Even I get more respect than you, Boehner! Me, Harry Reid’s ass! I’m more handsome, too!

JB: Alright, I’m calling the FBI. You’re in for a world of hurt, motherfucker.

UC: Also, your mom gives great head!

JB: Jesus Christ. Burn in hell, asshole!

UC: BOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH–

[Call terminated.]

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