Transcript of phone call placed on January 4, 2013 at 3:47 a.m. ET to the Washington residence of overrated House Speaker John Boehner:
John Boehner: Yeah. [Sound of cigarette being lit followed by muffled coughing.] Talk to me.
Unidentified Caller: BOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHNER!
JB: The fuck? Who is this?
JB: Who the fuck is this? Do you have any idea who you’re fucking with? I’m the Speaker of the House of Representatives, goddamn it!
[Garbled laughter, farting from unidentified caller.]
UC: Ha ha. Yeah, it’s Cantor.
JB: You son of a bitch. Ha! That was a good one. Hey, wanna come over and drink some merlot?
UC: Just kidding. It’s Harry Reid’s ass.
JB: Goddamn it.
UC: Even I get more respect than you, Boehner! Me, Harry Reid’s ass! I’m more handsome, too!
JB: Alright, I’m calling the FBI. You’re in for a world of hurt, motherfucker.
UC: Also, your mom gives great head!
JB: Jesus Christ. Burn in hell, asshole!