Pass The Melted Butter

Oh, hello there. You’ve caught me at the dining table. Moreover, my butler just dropped off my early evening meal, so I can’t talk long.

Picture it if you will, though: five 10-pound lobsters, a dozen crab cakes (jumbo lump, of course), two score of oysters, three dozen shrimp, and a salad bowl full of crawfish. Plus a basket of cheddar biscuits, a bucket of garlic mashed potatoes, and a barrel of beer. But make no mistake — the seafood is the main attraction.

Indeed, after reading this article earlier today, I developed an insatiable desire to gorge myself on the delights of King Neptune’s bounty. I mean, I’ve always enjoyed such fare, but knowing that the beasts feel pain when they die? That really sweetens the sauce. That’s why I always insist on cattle gun-killed beef — agony is nature’s tenderizer.

Alright, my lobster bib is firmly fastened, so I must ask you to leave. Seriously, beat it. Don’t make me get my gun. You won’t be the first uninvited guest on whom I’ve gone full Castle Doctrine, nor will you be the last. Bank on it.

Categories: Food, Leisure, Servants

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