No I Most Certainly Would Not

“Welcome to McDonald’s! Would you like to try our new Fish McBites? Please proceed with your order.”

“What?” I said, staring blankly at the drive-thru intercom. “Could you repeat that?”

“Repeat what?”

“The middle part there — something about fish?”

“Yeah, Fish McBites. Please proceed–”

“Are you–”


“Fish McBites. What is that? Are you coming on to me?”

“What? Look, are you going to order or–”

“Not until I know what a Fish McBite is.”

The flunky at the other end of the intercom gave off a loud, exasperated sigh. What an asshole. As if someone pulling down minimum wage has something better to do.

“They’re like McNuggets. Only with Filet-o-Fish meat instead of chicken.”

“That sounds horrible. And you’re expecting people to pay money for this?”


“Never mind, son. Give me four number ones, hold the drinks on three of them, and pour all the fries into one bag. Oh, and supersize all of that shit.”

“We don’t–”

“Yeah yeah, I know. Fine. Make ’em as big as they go.”

Long story short, I was soon headed home with a sackful of Big Macs and absolutely zero interest in trying McDonald’s latest culinary Frankenstein. Fish McBites! Might as well put McPickled Pig Anuses on the menu if that’s the best their R&D team can do. God help us all.

Categories: Culture, Food, Idiots, Leisure

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