Well, there’s a considerable amount of egg on my face today — and absolutely zero cloth on my ass. The reason? Let’s just say my longstanding devotion to OxyContin hasn’t done any wonders for my hearing.
You see, when I stopped at a liquor store last night, I could have sworn I heard a couple of Mexican women going on and on about how today was going to be “Ass Wednesday.” Not wanting to be left out of the fun, I made it a point to go to work this morning wearing a pair of assless chaps. Naturally, I had nothing on underneath. After all, doing otherwise would sort of defeat the purpose of the chaps’ asslessness, would it not?
But based on the multitude of Jesus freaks I’ve seen shuffling around with what looks like dusty poop stains on their foreheads, and the complete lack of visible naked asses, I guess I misunderstood. Oh well. At least I’ll be the best-dressed dude down at Boobs-a-Poppin’ later. Hey, maybe I can even parlay my fashion-forwardness into a free lap dance or two. One can only hope.
Either way, I’ll let you know what happens. And wipe that crap off your forehead, you look ridiculous. Peace out.