I Is For Injustice

I Is For Injustice

Is For Injustice

Following a long night at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, I was en route to my palatial estate when a low-paid civil servant with a gun and a badge had the temerity to pull me over.

“Good evening, sir,” she said as she approached my driver’s side window, obnoxiously shining a flashlight in my face. “Or should I say good morning?”

“I dunno,” I said, favoring her with a winning smile. “Why don’t we split the difference by you coming back to my place and saying ‘good morning’ when we wake up?”

“Excuse me?”

“Hmm? Nothing. Is there a problem?”

“That depends on you sir, and you’re not off to a great start. Do you know why I stopped you?”

“No I do not.”

“First of all, you were speeding.”

“I was? How fast?”

“Seventy.”

“Seventy! Do you mean to tell me you have nothing better to do than detain otherwise law-abiding citizens because they’re five over the speed limit?”

“Sir?”

“Outrageous! This injustice—”

Sir!

“—will not stand! What?”

“This is a residential street. The posted speed limit is twenty-five miles per hour.”

“Oh,” I said, looking around sheepishly. “Are you sure?”

“Yes sir.”

“So we’re not on the turnpike?”

“No sir.”

“Huh. I guess that explains what I thought was a rather comically placed stop sign back there.”

“Sir?”

“Look, why don’t you just give me directions to the nearest on-ramp, and I’ll be on my way. Sorry—”

Sir!

“—to have troubled you. Yes?”

“Have you been drinking tonight?”

“Absolutely not. I also haven’t been snorting any abuse-resistant OxyContin. If my nose appears to be abnormally red and swollen, it’s solely due to allergies.”

“OK sir, I’m going to need you to—”

“Yeah yeah. Fine, let’s do this.”

Unfortunately, the situation only deteriorated from there, in part because I’d completely forgotten that I’d removed my pants and undergarments after leaving the club. What? I like to relax when I drive. Besides, my nudism was small potatoes no big deal secondary to the bag of undocumented Oxys that fell off my lap as I climbed out of my Escalade. I don’t think the equally undocumented gun the officer found under the front seat helped either. Nor did the rather embarrassing accident I had in the backseat of her patrol car. Still, the very fact that I was pulled over at all leaves no doubt that Obama’s America is not a free society!

Regardless, I’m not going to lose any sleep over this Orwellian injustice — not with all the legal retainers I pay every month. Catch you on the flip side, suckers.

[Part 9 of the ‘Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2013’ series: Prev/Next]

Front page photo source: Stock.xchng

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Categories: Drugs, Legal

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Oh! The mental images! I am simply reeling!

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