X Is For XXX

X Is For XXX

Is For XXX

With trembling hands, my butler Montgomery gently handed me the large tan-and-brown jug marked with a black “XXX.” After relieving him of the vessel, I pulled the cork and took a deep sniff of the sweet, sweet moonshine within.

“Mmm-mmm,” I said with a grin. “It’s no new car interior or fresh vagina, but this is certainly one of the best things I’ve ever smelled!”

“Jolly good, guv’nor!” Monty said, beaming with pride.

I then took a long belt from the jug, firewater rushing down my gullet while my head exploded with a cacophony of light and noise. “Sweet Nixon!” I said as I replaced the cap. “Smoother than a stripper’s legs, and I think I’m already one full sheet to the wind! What kind of proof does this stuff boast?”

“Hard to say, m’lord, but somewhere between one-fifty to one-fifty-five.”

“One-fifty! But that would mean—”

“Indeed, sir. It’s practically rubbing alcohol.”

“Hot damn,” I said, looking at the jug fondly. “Well, there’s only one thing to be done, then — mix me up a pitcher of Old Fashioneds and be quick about it!”

Quick about it he was, and I was soon eight to nine sheets to the wind and loving every second. Moreover, I nearly went blind and spent the rest of the evening drooling, howling to the moon, and chewing the carpet in a bootleg whiskey-induced spate of madness. Good times. The best part is, now that Monty has that still installed in my garage, I’ll have an endless supply of his excellent homemade ‘shine. I’d invite you over for a taste but as previously established, I don’t associate with 99-percenters. Take care.

[Part 24 of the ‘Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2013’ series: Prev/Next]

Front page image source: Pixabay

Advertisements


Categories: Leisure, Servants

Tags: , , , , ,

%d bloggers like this: