Greetings, Proud Americans. Oz here, and though I’m currently entertaining a bushel of women from Pete’s Pussycat Emporium and therefore have very little time to chat — no, scratch that. The fact is, I simply don’t like chatting with you people, regardless of whether I’m getting ready to plow a six-pack of call girls while in the throes of a Viagra/OxyContin frenzy or about to have my prostate checked. But that’s not the point.
The point is, I wanted to weigh in on that trendy Ebola scare, and go on the record as fully supporting a full-blown, worldwide Ebola plague. Frankly, the sooner the better.
Why? Well, let’s face it: In the event of such a catastrophe, poor people such at yourselves will die off in great numbers, while ultra-rich people such as me will be safe behind our gilded fortresses and first-rate staff of personal physicians. Furthermore, if we were to shrink the population by, oh, 60 percent, there’d be a lot more of those non-renewable resources at my disposal. Plus, my wealth would likely place me in the top .01 percent of the remaining population, and that’s obviously a more desirable position than my current 1-percent club.
Anyhow, there are my two cents — take them or shove them straight up your keister as you see fit. As for me, it’s time to dive into my regularly scheduled nocturnal activities; ta for now.
Front page photo source: MorgueFile