First and foremost, please understand that I view the editorial “talent” at French jack-off mag Charlie Hebdo to be no better than the homegrown leftist dopeheads you’ll find panhandling on any given street here in the U.S. Nevertheless, nobody deserves to die for a cartoon — even if they are French.
Secondly, please make no mistake: All mentions of “Mohammed” found below do in fact refer to the alleged prophet worshiped by towel-headed camel jockeys and the like, not the brown-skinned fellow who runs your local 7-Eleven.
With all that being said, I’d like to make some small show of support for those… well, brave isn’t the word, given their country, so let’s just call it a show of support for those dead Frenchmen. I’m no cartoonist, though, so I’ll make do with dirty jokes. Let’s begin:
1) What’s the difference between Mohammed and a mosquito? Mosquitoes suck blood, Mohammed sucks donkey dick.
2) What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out Mohammed traced it from his own penis after he sucked you off.
3) One day, Mohammed wrote to Santa Claus, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Claus wrote him back, “OK, send me your mother.”
4) What’s the difference between Mohammed and your wife? After five years, Mohammed will still gladly suck you off. Assuming you’re a dude. Who doesn’t bathe.
5) Why is Mohammed like KFC? After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
6) How is Mohammed not like a condom? He’ll spend more time on your dick than in your wallet.
7) Did you hear why Mohammed got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job.
8) The only way Mohammed will ever get laid is if he crawls up a chicken’s ass and waits.
9) Why can’t Mohammed count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
10) How do you hide money from Mohammed? Well, don’t bother putting it under a huge steaming pile of shit, because the guy eats it and smears it all over his hair and beard every chance he gets. Yessir, if there’s one thing the Islamic prophet Mohammed loves more than sucking dick, it’s smearing himself with shit! Well, that and bacon grease.
That’ll have to do it, folks, as I’m late for an appointment with some prostitutes. Who will all be dressed like Mohammed. Selah.