I Can’t Believe What My Eyes Are Seeing

Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the replacement of good-paying, benefit-providing blue-collar jobs with part-time flunky positions at Walmart and pizza-delivery chains, finally resulted in a plurality of furious voters who are willing to believe anything “their” candidate says, no matter how much factual or logical evidence there is to the contrary?

If DJT’s base is willing to believe that a 20-percent tariff on imports means that Mexico will be paying for our Great Wall, it certainly seems to be the case. And frankly, I couldn’t be happier.

I mean, think of it. Trump voters who are too dumb to understand that they—not Mexicans—will ultimately pay for what I’m sure will be the most incredible wall ever built, are too dumb to figure out much of anything. Up to and including the fact that tunnels, ladders, airplanes and other methods will still allow plenty of illegal immigrants, along with much-needed drugs and sex workers, to slip into our country, no matter how big that wall is. (And thank god for tunnels; no way am I paying Canadian import prices for my opiates and boner pills!)

At this point, I’m firmly convinced that Trump could shit in a bowl, tell his diehard fanatics it’s chocolate pudding, and they’d beat each other bloody to be the first one to sup on his stool. Sure, the liberals will cry and wail about the death of a viable American democracy, but for members of the corporate oligarchy such as myself, it’s great news.

Speaking of which, time for me to work up a memo to all Carver Consolidated Capital thralls that a new law was just passed giving job-creators the right to sleep with employees’ spouses. As I only hire Trump voters, I expect to be up to my neck in cuckoldry by end of day—and if my lusty copulations result in a few unwanted bastard children, well, that’s just more fuel for private-sector prisons. Ta-ta.

Categories: Business, Culture, Dating, Drugs, Idiots, Politics

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