“You really must admit — this is rich.” That was me to my former personal secretary Ms. Cashtushy. We were in the conference room at Carver Consolidated Capital (C3), discussing her résumé submission for the office manager position I’d recently advertised…. Read More ›
I decided to grab lunch at the Metropolitan Club with two of my former associates from Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs, Charles “Chuck” Luddite XV and Leo Dreisdale. Once our orders were placed and our drinks had arrived, the conversation naturally… Read More ›
I was in a bad part of town today — what’s that? No, I’m not at liberty to explain why. It certainly didn’t involve the purchase of drugs, prescription or otherwise. Frankly, I resent the implication. Lucky for you I’m in a good… Read More ›
“Cashtushy!” I barked into the intercom on my desk at the offices of Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs. “Come in here. I need you.” The door to my office flew open, and my personal secretary entered. “Yes, Mr. Carver? What can… Read More ›
In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re thick in the dog days of summer. Which means it’s a great time of year for me to relax poolside in a Speedo, frolic on my private yacht, and eat enough charred animal flesh… Read More ›
“Good morning, Mr. Carver! I hope you’re having a great morning.” This was said by my personal secretary, Miss Cashtushy, when I walked into the offices of Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs at a quarter to eleven. Furthermore, she was smiling… Read More ›
It would appear that Art Linkletter has died. Which wouldn’t normally bother me — I hated that man — but the bastard kicked off owing me a cool fifty grand from a poker game last year. Odds of me collecting… Read More ›
“But Mr. Carver, I really don’t see a stain down here!” This was said by my fill-in secretary, Miss Sugarteats, who was temporarily assigned to me due to an illness on the part of my regular secretary, Miss Cashtushy. She… Read More ›
Why did our society have to suffer through the Women’s Liberation movement of the 1970s? Wasn’t it to liberate women from alleged oppression at the hands of their superiors (i.e., men)? If so, why are so many of them —… Read More ›
I’m not sure what to make of this, but a burrito just completed a tour of my body and looked no worse for the wear once it made its escape. I had lunch at my favorite Mexican eatery, El Bolas… Read More ›
I don’t have much time for this blogging tomfoolery today; I’m hosting a gala ball this evening, and it will be exclusively attended by people who are wealthier, better-connected, and more glamorous than you. I’m far too discreet to reveal the… Read More ›
