Happy Friday, slobs. Yes, yes, I realize I haven’t posted for a bit, but there’s a reason for that. Reason being, I’m living in Trump’s America as an obscenely wealthy Caucasian male with the right connections, which means anything resembling… Read More ›
When I saw this article in today’s paper, I immediately grabbed my phone and pressed the first button on the speed dial. Instead of a decent, American ringtone, my ears were blasted with a tinny instrumental version of “Free Bird;” the… Read More ›
Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the replacement of good-paying, benefit-providing blue-collar jobs with part-time flunky positions at Walmart and pizza-delivery… Read More ›
I feel like such a fool. Here I thought, after the blizzard of executive-branch activity since Monday, that today might be a slow news day. My bad; I guess I forgot that President Trump only has one speed: coked out… Read More ›
Hey there, losers. Long time no enlighten you with my wisdom, huh? Well, there’s a reason for that—specifically, that I spent the past year-plus of Obama’s presidency sedating myself with fine opiates and nasty women. Not the Hillary Clinton variety… Read More ›
Greetings peasants. Yes, today is my 56th birthday. Yes, it’s also this blog’s — and let me note, I’m still not clear on what a blog is — 10th anniversary. But to answer a question I’ve received repeatedly today: No…. Read More ›
First and foremost, please understand that I view the editorial “talent” at French jack-off mag Charlie Hebdo to be no better than the homegrown leftist dopeheads you’ll find panhandling on any given street here in the U.S. Nevertheless, nobody deserves… Read More ›
Ah, nice of you to stop by. Be warned, though, that you’ve caught me in the master bath, where I’m currently giving birth to a particularly onerous bowl movement while perusing the morning news reports. What can I say? I… Read More ›
“Good morning, Mr. Carver,” said Carver Consolidated Capital’s (C3’s) office manager Ms. Cashtushy as I hustled through the front door. “Can I—” “No,” I said, brusquely waving her off. I then headed down the hallway, only to encounter my dimwitted… Read More ›
My desktop intercom beeped yesterday afternoon but as I was neck-deep in some very important work, I decided to ignore it. Whoever was trying to reach me wasn’t taking “no” for an answer though, because I received a longer beep… Read More ›
The sweet sounds of AC/DC blasted through my open driver’s side window while I sat at a red light, enjoying a fine cigar that cost more than your average third-world family might make in a decade. Head bobbing in time to… Read More ›
