Pull The Strings

“Red hots! GET YOUR RED HOTS!!!“ That was the sound of me in action, bringing all my marketing prowess to bear in the name of selling hot dogs, peanuts, sodas, and beer to the literally unwashed masses. No need to… Read More ›

Cry Me A River

Sweet Jesus, it was a real scene down at the office today. Turns out my secretary, Miss Cashtushy, was having a rough day. Which wouldn’t normally bother me; I’m largely immune to other people’s miseries. Unfortunately, her tears were standing… Read More ›

April Fan Mail

Continuing a popular new feature introduced last month, I will now take some time out of my busy schedule to personally respond to the cream of April’s fan mail crop. Everyone else who wrote just gets an autographed picture and… Read More ›