Recent Posts - page 4

  • N Is For No

    “Good morning, Mr. Carver,” said Carver Consolidated Capital’s (C3’s) office manager Ms. Cashtushy as I hustled through the front door. “Can I—” “No,” I said, brusquely waving her off. I then headed down the hallway, only to encounter my dimwitted… Read More ›

  • M Is For Mother

    I was enjoying a mini-marathon of obscure German erotic cinema in the media room when my butler Montgomery entered with a pained expression on his face. “Pardon the intrusion, m’lord,” he said, “but there’s an extremely foul-tempered woman here to see… Read More ›

  • L Is For Lawyer

    My desktop intercom beeped yesterday afternoon but as I was neck-deep in some very important work, I decided to ignore it. Whoever was trying to reach me wasn’t taking “no” for an answer though, because I received a longer beep… Read More ›

  • K Is For Klout

    “Hoo hoo, can’t wait to see my score!” I said. I was speaking with my blog administrator Shelton in the study, which had only just been refurbished following my butler’s unfortunate rib incident. “I bet mine’s higher than Limbaugh’s.” “I… Read More ›

  • J Is For Jack

    The sweet sounds of AC/DC blasted through my open driver’s side window while I sat at a red light, enjoying a fine cigar that cost more than your average third-world family might make in a decade. Head bobbing in time to… Read More ›

  • I Is For Injustice

    Following a long night at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, I was en route to my palatial estate when a low-paid civil servant with a gun and a badge had the temerity to pull me over. “Good evening, sir,” she said… Read More ›

  • H Is For Hank

    I received a collect call last night from my close, personal friend Hank Williams Jr. Considering that today’s “A to Z April Challenge” topic was required to start with an “H,” his timing could not have been more fortuitous. “Oz?”… Read More ›

  • G Is For Golf

    “Fore!” I shouted as the wood smacked the ball, blasting it a good 250 yards down the middle of the fairway. I won’t lie to you; it was a perfect shot and all but guaranteed that I’d finish the hole… Read More ›

  • F Is For Frankfurter

    I pulled up to the hot dog stand and hopped out of my Escalade, eager to dine on the delicacies offered by the roadside vendor. “Hello there, my good man!” I said, stumbling toward him. “I’m in desperate need of… Read More ›

  • E Is For Easy

    “Once everything’s settled,” said my vice president of acquisitions Bob Laudermilk, “it looks like we’ll clear a good twenty million, maybe more, off this Oglethorpe Sporting Goods deal.” We were in my office at Carver Consolidated Capital (C3), dotting the… Read More ›

  • D Is For Druggist

    I’d been waiting around the parking lot of a local McDonald’s for a good fifteen minutes when my black-market prescription-medication procurer Skynyrd Dave finally arrived. He was driving a bright-yellow ‘70s-era Camaro with severe muffler issues, Nazareth’s “Hair of the… Read More ›