A to Z April Challenge

Thank Nixon That’s Over

And by “that” I mean one of the most trying months I’ve ever experienced, not the concurrent “Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2013.” That went swimmingly, and though I’ve been unable to track down any details regarding winners… Read More ›

Z Is For Zamboni

My vice president of marketing Sherm Schweinbumser entered his home with his dog and flicked off the porch light, never noticing that I was seated on a parked Zamboni in the woods across from the residence. As his house went… Read More ›

Y Is For Yacht

“Alright everyone, cover your ears!” I shouted, my voice amplified by a high-powered bullhorn. “This is going to be loud!” I touched the torch to the cannon’s wick and was soon rewarded with a thunderous explosion. The cannonball rocketed toward… Read More ›

X Is For XXX

With trembling hands, my butler Montgomery gently handed me the large tan-and-brown jug marked with a black “XXX.” After relieving him of the vessel, I pulled the cork and took a deep sniff of the sweet, sweet moonshine within. “Mmm-mmm,”… Read More ›

W Is For What

I decided to do a little snooping around the office yesterday — you know, see what kind of dirt I could dig up on my employees — and found myself in the main break room shortly after eleven o’clock. No one else… Read More ›

V Is For Vengeance

“Greetings Mister Father! At last we meet again. It appears reports of both our deaths were greatly exaggerated!” The guy spouting the clichés was my adopted son Kang, aka Batukhang Chuluun, aka Oswald J. Carver IV, whom I thought had… Read More ›

U Is For Ugly

White noise filled the room; the kind of staticky, dull roar emitted by a television or radio that’s stuck between channels. I briefly wondered about the source, but my sleep-encrusted eyes weren’t quite up to the challenge of any serious… Read More ›

T Is For Tea

I won’t lie to you; I’ve been busier than an Obama-era food stamp office during the past few weeks. In addition to the still-ongoing “Blogging From A to Z April Challenge,” I’ve encountered a slew of recent personal and professional… Read More ›

S Is For STD

The examination room was cold as ice, and I certainly didn’t appreciate being left to wait in my skivvies for such an extended period. In fact, I was about to go flag down a nurse to inquire about the holdup… Read More ›

R Is For Rush

I’d been sitting by the phone with naught but a pitcher of Old Fashioneds, a tray of hoagies, and the third season of Downton Abbey for company, waiting on an important call from my close, personal friend Rush Limbaugh. He’d expressed… Read More ›

Q Is For Quit

“Come in,” I said to my vice president of acquisitions Bob Laudermilk as he entered my office. “Have a seat. Would you care for a drink? An Old Fashioned, perhaps? Maybe a martini if you prefer something lighter?” Laudermilk waved… Read More ›