First and foremost, please understand that I view the editorial “talent” at French jack-off mag Charlie Hebdo to be no better than the homegrown leftist dopeheads you’ll find panhandling on any given street here in the U.S. Nevertheless, nobody deserves… Read More ›
Bowel Movements
Farewell To A Lunatic
Ah, nice of you to stop by. Be warned, though, that you’ve caught me in the master bath, where I’m currently giving birth to a particularly onerous bowl movement while perusing the morning news reports. What can I say? I… Read More ›
Truth Be Told, I’m Sick Of Reason Too
Hi folks. Oz here, reporting live from my Caesar-esque bathroom, where I’m working my way through what has so far been a quadruple flusher with no clear end in sight. (The pun was unintended, but I’ll let it stand.) To… Read More ›
Y Is For Yacht
“Alright everyone, cover your ears!” I shouted, my voice amplified by a high-powered bullhorn. “This is going to be loud!” I touched the torch to the cannon’s wick and was soon rewarded with a thunderous explosion. The cannonball rocketed toward… Read More ›
B Is For Butler
I pounded the intercom’s “talk” button and barked at the device. “Montgomery! Mont-gom-er-y!” There was an extended pause before my layabout butler answered. “Pip pip, guv’nor! How may I be of service?” “The master bathroom is out of toilet paper…. Read More ›
Let’s Hope The Obstructionists In The White House And Senate Don’t Block Progress Again This Time
Hot damn, the upstanding, patriotic members of the U.S. House passed steely eyed wunderkind Paul Ryan’s budget today. Which is great in and of itself, but let’s face it: Unless Comrade Hussein Marx Obama Tse-Tung and his stooges in the… Read More ›
Seven, Everyone’s A Loser
“For East Egg!” I bellowed, my homeland’s battle cry echoing off the walls of the dank and dusty back alley where I was engaged in a game of dice with three rather disreputable-looking gentlemen. I threw with gusto and rolled my… Read More ›
My Invitation To CPAC Must Have Been Lost In The Mail
I was enjoying my traditional king-sized breakfast and perusing the Journal this morning when I came across a feature on the upcoming Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which is set to start tomorrow. What really threw me off is that… Read More ›
Once, Twice, Three Times A Loser
I received a call from failed Republican presidential candidate and former Libtardchusetts governor Mitt Romney earlier today, asking me to meet him in the city for a late lunch at Gramercy Tavern. Said he wanted my advice on his recent return to… Read More ›
That Was A Hell Of A Bender
Here’s the thing: I have no idea where I’ve been for the past week. I could’ve been drinking tea with the reigning Ayatollah of Iran for all I know. The one thing I do know is that not 10 minutes… Read More ›
Big Pimping
It’ll soon be Friday night, and thanks to a visit to Paul Stuart earlier today, I am ready to do this thing proper. Don’t ask me how much this outfit cost, either. As soon as the question was out of your… Read More ›