Good evening, fellow Americans. I’m essentially in recovery mode following the horrific events with which I was afflicted in April, but I wanted to fill you in on a big development. Turns out the stalwart leaders of the Tea Party… Read More ›
Breasts
I Have ‘Game of Thrones’ Fever
Hot damn, I just overheard a couple of my employees discussing the fact that season 3 of HBO’s Game of Thrones debuts on March 31. Frankly, I can’t wait. Surprised that I watch such fantastical fare, are you? Well then… Read More ›
I Can See God
And he has a fantastic pair of tits. Now it all makes sense… Yes, I think you’re right — it is time for another OxyContin. Ask for it by name.
Charles Tandy Was A Great American
For reasons I can’t really explain, I was perusing the May 2010 issue of Wired while taking my morning constitutional. It’s a dreadful little magazine, normally full of useless information that only the nerdiest of nerds could care about. But… Read More ›
Somebody Call The Guinness People
This is Captain Oswald J. Carver III, coming to you live from the bridge of the S.S. Hot Tub of Love. And I’m pleased to report that there are currently twenty naked call girls stuffed in here with me. Is… Read More ›
What? It’s Mardi Gras
So apparently the housewives in my neighborhood have no love for the traditions of New Orleans. I stood in front of my local Piggly Wiggly all afternoon with a box full of cheap plastic beads, and all I have to show… Read More ›
Battlestar Galactica Could Be A Lot Better
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a damn good show. And that’s coming from a man who hates science fiction. In fact, I once set fire to a kid back in high school shop class ’cause he was always going on… Read More ›
My VP Can’t Hold His Liquor
That’s the last time I go drinking with my idiot VP, Sherm Schweinbumser. It was his birthday, so I decided to take him to the local Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club for an extended liquid lunch. Dutch treat, of course. Little… Read More ›
Who Doesn’t Like Hooters?
Not me, that’s for sure. And I’m not talking about the low-rent restaurant chain with the tackily dressed call girls working as waitresses; I’m talking about nice, round, fleshy boobs. Hurray! Show me a person who says they don’t love… Read More ›
