When Will That Woman Die?

“Hello, mother.” “Mother? My mother’s dead. And a woman. Look, who is this?” “It’s your son. Oswald.” “Who?” “Oswald. Oswald Carver. Your son.” “Oh, Oswald. What do you want?” “It… it’s Mother’s Day, mother. Just wanted to call to wish… Read More ›


Holy shit. My scratch-off ticket — it’s a winner. For a cool 10 grand no less. The ironic thing is I’m already worth millions, so this means nothing to me. I bet a lot of you readers could really use… Read More ›

I’m Badly Constipated

Dear sweet lord in heaven, it’s like my bowels are locked tight with super glue. I’ve tried everything: greasy food, hot sauce, liquor. Nothing works. I’m doomed. Then again, maybe a rim job from one of Madame Ching’s skilled masseuses… Read More ›