Happy Friday, slobs. Yes, yes, I realize I haven’t posted for a bit, but there’s a reason for that. Reason being, I’m living in Trump’s America as an obscenely wealthy Caucasian male with the right connections, which means anything resembling… Read More ›
Donald J. Trump
My Connection Would Be Wise To Heed President Trump’s Latest Directive
When I saw this article in today’s paper, I immediately grabbed my phone and pressed the first button on the speed dial. Instead of a decent, American ringtone, my ears were blasted with a tinny instrumental version of “Free Bird;” the… Read More ›
I Don’t Know Any Muslims So This Ban Business Is Fine By Me
It was kind of a wild weekend for me—nothing too outrageous mind you, just the usual call girls and Oxy rails—so I must sheepishly admit that I wasn’t up to speed on some of President Trump’s latest moves until I… Read More ›
I Can’t Believe What My Eyes Are Seeing
Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the replacement of good-paying, benefit-providing blue-collar jobs with part-time flunky positions at Walmart and pizza-delivery… Read More ›
The Trump Train Keeps A Rollin’
I feel like such a fool. Here I thought, after the blizzard of executive-branch activity since Monday, that today might be a slow news day. My bad; I guess I forgot that President Trump only has one speed: coked out… Read More ›
You Down With DJT? Yeah You Know Me
Oh, hello there. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so you’ll have to excuse the fact that I’m currently in a state of undress while elderly Vietnamese women slather medicinal lotion on my lower extremities. Keep your mind out of the gutter; it’s… Read More ›
Is This Really Happening Or Have I Died And Inexplicably Gone To Heaven?
Hey there, losers. Long time no enlighten you with my wisdom, huh? Well, there’s a reason for that—specifically, that I spent the past year-plus of Obama’s presidency sedating myself with fine opiates and nasty women. Not the Hillary Clinton variety… Read More ›
Perhaps All These Oxys Will Cure My Birthday Blues
So it has arrived, my 53rd birthday. As reported yesterday, I’m none too thrilled about this latest milestone. 53. And what do I have to show for it? Sure, I’ve amassed great wealth. But between you and me, I’d estimate… Read More ›