Family

V Is For Vengeance

“Greetings Mister Father! At last we meet again. It appears reports of both our deaths were greatly exaggerated!” The guy spouting the clichés was my adopted son Kang, aka Batukhang Chuluun, aka Oswald J. Carver IV, whom I thought had… Read More ›

R Is For Rush

I’d been sitting by the phone with naught but a pitcher of Old Fashioneds, a tray of hoagies, and the third season of Downton Abbey for company, waiting on an important call from my close, personal friend Rush Limbaugh. He’d expressed… Read More ›

M Is For Mother

I was enjoying a mini-marathon of obscure German erotic cinema in the media room when my butler Montgomery entered with a pained expression on his face. “Pardon the intrusion, m’lord,” he said, “but there’s an extremely foul-tempered woman here to see… Read More ›

My Son Is An Idiot

“Montgomery?” I said to my butler shortly after returning from work this afternoon. “Why is there a hirsute Asian lad reading Jughead comic books at the dining room table?” “Wot wot?” Montgomery replied, sticking his head out from the pantry…. Read More ›

Quick Updates

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re thick in the dog days of summer. Which means it’s a great time of year for me to relax poolside in a Speedo, frolic on my private yacht, and eat enough charred animal flesh… Read More ›