“Hoo hoo, can’t wait to see my score!” I said. I was speaking with my blog administrator Shelton in the study, which had only just been refurbished following my butler’s unfortunate rib incident. “I bet mine’s higher than Limbaugh’s.” “I… Read More ›
Following a long night at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, I was en route to my palatial estate when a low-paid civil servant with a gun and a badge had the temerity to pull me over. “Good evening, sir,” she said… Read More ›
I’d been waiting around the parking lot of a local McDonald’s for a good fifteen minutes when my black-market prescription-medication procurer Skynyrd Dave finally arrived. He was driving a bright-yellow ‘70s-era Camaro with severe muffler issues, Nazareth’s “Hair of the… Read More ›
I won’t lie to you — my last-minute sojourn to the majestic watering hole of grand American thought that is the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has not gone as planned. First, I discovered that my invitation was never lost… Read More ›
So anyhow, this happened — another strong contender for the darkest day in American history. At least until Comrade Hussein Marx Obama Tse-Tung inevitably socializes all private industry, surrenders our nuclear codes to the Red Chinese, and uses the Constitution to… Read More ›
Yes, this is really happening. As a result of a recent settlement that enabled me to evade a host of criminal and civil charges stemming from alleged systematic abuse of my former houseboy, Kang, I have agreed to adopt the… Read More ›
You know who else offered universal health care for every Tom, Dick and Harry without a penny to their name? Nazi Germany. Seig Heil!
Dire news, freedom-lovers: the United Soviet Socialist Republic of General Motors has announced that plans to sell the venerable Hummer line to the Red Chinese have fallen through. Which means that my vehicle brand of choice will cease to exist sometime… Read More ›
