Sweet Jesus, I Reek

I’ll be honest with you. Outside of yesterday’s ill-fated visit to Madame Ching’s, I haven’t left my palatial home in three days. You know, what with recovering from the gallstone operation and all. So anyways, I ripped off a monstrous fart after… Read More ›

I’ve Got The Fear

I think I just swallowed a chicken bone. Like, an entire chicken bone. The whole thing. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that’ll kill you. Or maybe that’s dogs I’m thinking about. Meaning, dogs swallowing chicken bones. Not people… Read More ›

I’m Badly Constipated

Dear sweet lord in heaven, it’s like my bowels are locked tight with super glue. I’ve tried everything: greasy food, hot sauce, liquor. Nothing works. I’m doomed. Then again, maybe a rim job from one of Madame Ching’s skilled masseuses… Read More ›