It was kind of a wild weekend for me—nothing too outrageous mind you, just the usual call girls and Oxy rails—so I must sheepishly admit that I wasn’t up to speed on some of President Trump’s latest moves until I… Read More ›
Legal
You Down With DJT? Yeah You Know Me
Oh, hello there. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so you’ll have to excuse the fact that I’m currently in a state of undress while elderly Vietnamese women slather medicinal lotion on my lower extremities. Keep your mind out of the gutter; it’s… Read More ›
Time To Protect The Copyright For Another Year
Greetings, fellow patriots. I realize it’s been awhile since I last took to my soapbox to pummel you with my high-powered brand of truth, justice and the American Way, but that’s no skin off my ass. In case you’ve forgotten,… Read More ›
L Is For Lawyer
My desktop intercom beeped yesterday afternoon but as I was neck-deep in some very important work, I decided to ignore it. Whoever was trying to reach me wasn’t taking “no” for an answer though, because I received a longer beep… Read More ›
J Is For Jack
The sweet sounds of AC/DC blasted through my open driver’s side window while I sat at a red light, enjoying a fine cigar that cost more than your average third-world family might make in a decade. Head bobbing in time to… Read More ›
I Is For Injustice
Following a long night at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, I was en route to my palatial estate when a low-paid civil servant with a gun and a badge had the temerity to pull me over. “Good evening, sir,” she said… Read More ›
C Is For Cashtushy
“You really must admit — this is rich.” That was me to my former personal secretary Ms. Cashtushy. We were in the conference room at Carver Consolidated Capital (C3), discussing her résumé submission for the office manager position I’d recently advertised…. Read More ›
I’m Cool So Long As No One Tries To Put A Ring On My Finger
I have a lot on my plate today, not the least of which involves acquiring a family-owned sporting goods company with 40 years of history, saddling it with debt to cover the purchase price, and eventually letting it slide into… Read More ›
Don’t Worry Foxy Knoxy, Help Is On The Way
Yes, the rumors are true: International sex symbol Amanda “Foxy Knoxy” Knox is waist deep in legal trouble again, after Italy’s highest criminal court overturned her acquittal and ordered her to once more stand trial on those preposterous, trumped-up murder… Read More ›
I Had No Idea That Rand Paul Was Such A Baby
I had just returned to the office after a three-hour, six-martini lunch at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, when I was accosted by my dimwitted VP of marketing Sherm Schweinbumser. He had a wild look in his eye, which always… Read More ›
Another Blow For Freedom Against The Liberal Drive-By Gotcha Lamestream Media
Ah, you’ve arrived — glad you could make it. Help yourself to the brandy and grab a seat; we have important matters to discuss. You see, Beef Products Inc. (BPI) — a company with a quintessentially patriotic name — has launched a brave legal… Read More ›
