I awoke this morning in a damp, musty basement that reeked of incense, stale sweat, moldy pizza, soiled underpants, cat litter, marijuana, and despair. My head was throbbing, my skin felt like burned ice, and the most horrible hip hop… Read More ›
Mysteries
Y Is For Yacht
“Alright everyone, cover your ears!” I shouted, my voice amplified by a high-powered bullhorn. “This is going to be loud!” I touched the torch to the cannon’s wick and was soon rewarded with a thunderous explosion. The cannonball rocketed toward… Read More ›
W Is For What
I decided to do a little snooping around the office yesterday — you know, see what kind of dirt I could dig up on my employees — and found myself in the main break room shortly after eleven o’clock. No one else… Read More ›
U Is For Ugly
White noise filled the room; the kind of staticky, dull roar emitted by a television or radio that’s stuck between channels. I briefly wondered about the source, but my sleep-encrusted eyes weren’t quite up to the challenge of any serious… Read More ›
G Is For Golf
“Fore!” I shouted as the wood smacked the ball, blasting it a good 250 yards down the middle of the fairway. I won’t lie to you; it was a perfect shot and all but guaranteed that I’d finish the hole… Read More ›
My Invitation To CPAC Must Have Been Lost In The Mail
I was enjoying my traditional king-sized breakfast and perusing the Journal this morning when I came across a feature on the upcoming Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which is set to start tomorrow. What really threw me off is that… Read More ›
