Ugh. Grossly hungover this morning, and I blame it all on my new neighbor. I forget his name; Batsby? Getsby? Appleby? I’ll concede that he throws a great housewarming party, but the man’s dumber than the stars of a Girls… Read More ›
Neighbors
There Goes The Neighborhood
Can you believe this? A goddamn middle class family moved in down the street. Middle class! They inherited the house from Yule Umlaut, who made his fortune in steel. Having no heirs, Yule deeded the majority of his estate to… Read More ›
I’m Not Your Babysitter
Get this. I come home from work tonight, only to find a gaggle of slackjawed children on the sidewalk in front of my palatial estate. They were playing some kind of game involving crudely drawn chalk patterns and jumping. Not… Read More ›
I Like My Sabbath Like I Like My Coffee
The day started in one godawful manner. I was sleeping comfortably in my luxurious king-sized bed when my slumber was interrupted by the unmistakable sound of a lawnmower. I tossed and turned a bit, but to no avail. Glancing at… Read More ›
That’s A Lot Of Pudding
Here’s how it went down. I was using my new ZoomMaster 9000 telescope this morning. You know, taking the lay of the land. It’s one of those big jobs, about the size of an oil drum with a lens that… Read More ›
Good Old-Fashioned Fun
Heh. Heh heh. That’s three nights in a row I’ve crapped in my neighbor’s lawn.
