Happy Friday, slobs. Yes, yes, I realize I haven’t posted for a bit, but there’s a reason for that. Reason being, I’m living in Trump’s America as an obscenely wealthy Caucasian male with the right connections, which means anything resembling… Read More ›
“Montgomery?” I said groggily, staring at my decrepit butler through sleep-encrusted eyes. He was carrying one of my solid-gold house phones on a diamond-studded platinum tray. “What’s the meaning of this? Who sent you?” “Telephone call, guv’nor,” he said. “From… Read More ›
When I saw this article in today’s paper, I immediately grabbed my phone and pressed the first button on the speed dial. Instead of a decent, American ringtone, my ears were blasted with a tinny instrumental version of “Free Bird;” the… Read More ›
It was kind of a wild weekend for me—nothing too outrageous mind you, just the usual call girls and Oxy rails—so I must sheepishly admit that I wasn’t up to speed on some of President Trump’s latest moves until I… Read More ›
Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the replacement of good-paying, benefit-providing blue-collar jobs with part-time flunky positions at Walmart and pizza-delivery… Read More ›
I feel like such a fool. Here I thought, after the blizzard of executive-branch activity since Monday, that today might be a slow news day. My bad; I guess I forgot that President Trump only has one speed: coked out… Read More ›
Oh, hello there. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so you’ll have to excuse the fact that I’m currently in a state of undress while elderly Vietnamese women slather medicinal lotion on my lower extremities. Keep your mind out of the gutter; it’s… Read More ›
Greetings peasants. Yes, today is my 56th birthday. Yes, it’s also this blog’s — and let me note, I’m still not clear on what a blog is — 10th anniversary. But to answer a question I’ve received repeatedly today: No…. Read More ›
Greetings, Proud Americans. Oz here, and though I’m currently entertaining a bushel of women from Pete’s Pussycat Emporium and therefore have very little time to chat — no, scratch that. The fact is, I simply don’t like chatting with you people, regardless… Read More ›
White noise filled the room; the kind of staticky, dull roar emitted by a television or radio that’s stuck between channels. I briefly wondered about the source, but my sleep-encrusted eyes weren’t quite up to the challenge of any serious… Read More ›
The examination room was cold as ice, and I certainly didn’t appreciate being left to wait in my skivvies for such an extended period. In fact, I was about to go flag down a nurse to inquire about the holdup… Read More ›
