Quick Updates

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re thick in the dog days of summer. Which means it’s a great time of year for me to relax poolside in a Speedo, frolic on my private yacht, and eat enough charred animal flesh… Read More ›

The King And I

Ever wonder why I love OxyContin so much? You know, besides the unbeatable feeling of complete euphoria it delivers? Easy: My initials on the front, and — if you get the good ones — the year Reagan was elected on… Read More ›

Homeward Bound

My adventures in the putrid hellhole known as Arizona have come to an end. It turns out that Senator McCain was none too pleased with last night’s speech, and ordered his staff to put me on the first plane out… Read More ›