I Think I Got Rolled

“You so much as jiggle yer belly and I’m-a squeezing this trigger, fatboy! Y’hear me?” This was said by a wart-and-hair-covered hillbilly who appeared to be brandishing a shotgun. I couldn’t be sure though; I had just awoken and could… Read More ›

Color Me Relieved

Excellent news. My lead criminal defense attorney, Buzz Goldenrod, just called to assure me that I won’t be facing any charges over my latest dead hooker incident. Let’s just say that Buzz is close, personal friends with the county coroner,… Read More ›

Coming Clean

Wondering where I’ve been for the past week? Fine, I’ll tell you: I’ve been “drying out.” That’s right, rehab. Why? Well, for my, uh, OxyContin add… add… Look, I don’t have to spell it out for you, do I? Let’s… Read More ›