Happy Friday, slobs. Yes, yes, I realize I haven’t posted for a bit, but there’s a reason for that. Reason being, I’m living in Trump’s America as an obscenely wealthy Caucasian male with the right connections, which means anything resembling… Read More ›
Politics
My Connection Would Be Wise To Heed President Trump’s Latest Directive
When I saw this article in today’s paper, I immediately grabbed my phone and pressed the first button on the speed dial. Instead of a decent, American ringtone, my ears were blasted with a tinny instrumental version of “Free Bird;” the… Read More ›
I Don’t Know Any Muslims So This Ban Business Is Fine By Me
It was kind of a wild weekend for me—nothing too outrageous mind you, just the usual call girls and Oxy rails—so I must sheepishly admit that I wasn’t up to speed on some of President Trump’s latest moves until I… Read More ›
I Can’t Believe What My Eyes Are Seeing
Has it finally happened? Has the decades-long, systematic degradation of our public-school systems, coupled with an exponential increase in digital entertainment and designer drugs, plus the replacement of good-paying, benefit-providing blue-collar jobs with part-time flunky positions at Walmart and pizza-delivery… Read More ›
The Trump Train Keeps A Rollin’
I feel like such a fool. Here I thought, after the blizzard of executive-branch activity since Monday, that today might be a slow news day. My bad; I guess I forgot that President Trump only has one speed: coked out… Read More ›
You Down With DJT? Yeah You Know Me
Oh, hello there. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so you’ll have to excuse the fact that I’m currently in a state of undress while elderly Vietnamese women slather medicinal lotion on my lower extremities. Keep your mind out of the gutter; it’s… Read More ›
Is This Really Happening Or Have I Died And Inexplicably Gone To Heaven?
Hey there, losers. Long time no enlighten you with my wisdom, huh? Well, there’s a reason for that—specifically, that I spent the past year-plus of Obama’s presidency sedating myself with fine opiates and nasty women. Not the Hillary Clinton variety… Read More ›
I Encourage All Radical Islamic Fundamentalists To Read This Post With Their Families
First and foremost, please understand that I view the editorial “talent” at French jack-off mag Charlie Hebdo to be no better than the homegrown leftist dopeheads you’ll find panhandling on any given street here in the U.S. Nevertheless, nobody deserves… Read More ›
Farewell To A Lunatic
Ah, nice of you to stop by. Be warned, though, that you’ve caught me in the master bath, where I’m currently giving birth to a particularly onerous bowl movement while perusing the morning news reports. What can I say? I… Read More ›
That’s Bad News For America But Great News For My Predilection For Cuckoldry
I was seated at the dining table this morning, enjoying a meager repast of rum-drenched French toast, a rasher of bacon, two dozen eggs, and a pitcher of Bloody Marys, when I came across a rather shocking bit of news… Read More ›
Hot Damn, The 2016 Election Season Is Already Underway
If you’re like me, there’s only one Democrat who instills more blind hatred, disgust, and loathing in you than Chairman Hussein Marx Obama Tse-Tung, and its name is Hillary Rodham Clinton. Wait, strike that. I suppose Obama wins that contest… Read More ›