Let’s face it: I hate a lot of things. The poor and the middle class. Chairman Hussein Marx Obama Tse-Tung. People who major in anything other than business while they’re in college. iPhones. Foreign cars. Foreigners in general. Gluten-free diets…. Read More ›
It’s recently come to my attention that the proud, honorable, completely not-racist Americans in the Tea Party are in the midst of a boycott against FOX News, due to that once-respected institution’s startling and unseemly swerve to the left following… Read More ›
Hot damn, the upstanding, patriotic members of the U.S. House passed steely eyed wunderkind Paul Ryan’s budget today. Which is great in and of itself, but let’s face it: Unless Comrade Hussein Marx Obama Tse-Tung and his stooges in the… Read More ›
Why Don’t We Change Our Mascot To A Hippie And Call Ourselves The Dope-Smoking Party While We’re At It?
I was in a meeting with two of my underlings at Carver Consolidated Capital (C3) this morning when a news alert flashed on my Blackberry. My eyes exploded with shock, and I yanked the phone off my desk to ensure… Read More ›
“Great Nixon’s Ghost!” I barked, staring at the television in disbelief. “Where did they find this useless moron? My teenage niece could do a better job than him!” “What’s that now, guv’nor?” asked my butler Montgomery, arriving with the platter… Read More ›
I’m finally back at my palatial estate following a rather harrowing, utterly unproductive weekend at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), and I couldn’t be happier to be home. That said, National Harbor, Maryland did have one last surprise for… Read More ›