I won’t lie to you — my last-minute sojourn to the majestic watering hole of grand American thought that is the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has not gone as planned. First, I discovered that my invitation was never lost… Read More ›
I was enjoying my traditional king-sized breakfast and perusing the Journal this morning when I came across a feature on the upcoming Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which is set to start tomorrow. What really threw me off is that… Read More ›
I decided to grab lunch at the Metropolitan Club with two of my former associates from Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs, Charles “Chuck” Luddite XV and Leo Dreisdale. Once our orders were placed and our drinks had arrived, the conversation naturally… Read More ›
I had just returned to the office after a three-hour, six-martini lunch at my favorite strip club, Boobs-a-Poppin’, when I was accosted by my dimwitted VP of marketing Sherm Schweinbumser. He had a wild look in his eye, which always… Read More ›
Never mind Gingrich’s recent appeasement tour. No true conservative — by which I mean true American — is listening to his nonsense anyhow, and this bizarre act of verbal self-immolation all but ensures he won’t be mucking up the primary process in… Read More ›
Ah, you’ve arrived — glad you could make it. Help yourself to the brandy and grab a seat; we have important matters to discuss. You see, Beef Products Inc. (BPI) — a company with a quintessentially patriotic name — has launched a brave legal… Read More ›
I received a call from failed Republican presidential candidate and former Libtardchusetts governor Mitt Romney earlier today, asking me to meet him in the city for a late lunch at Gramercy Tavern. Said he wanted my advice on his recent return to… Read More ›
I suppose I should have been more on my guard what with all the recent reports of cyber-espionage being perpetrated by the Yellow Menace against various American corporations. Nevertheless, I was quite surprised to find evidence of such activity at… Read More ›
I was catching up on the news when I came across this rather inspiring article about a patriotic Idaho politician’s admirable quest to make Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged required reading in his state’s schools. Unfortunately, I never made it past… Read More ›
Sure, lots of females love my Cleveland Steamers. Some particularly disturbed members of the fairer sex even swear by my Moscow Dump Trucks. But no “woman” as ugly, mannish, and… and… liberal as Hillary Rodham Clinton will ever know the… Read More ›
With apologies to Tracy Morgan, those who know me know that I have two hobbies: making money and getting girls pregnant. And by “girls” I mean paid sex workers. That being said, it would never do for a man of my… Read More ›
