Continuing a popular new feature introduced last month, I will now take some time out of my busy schedule to personally respond to the cream of April’s fan mail crop. Everyone else who wrote just gets an autographed picture and… Read More ›
Politics
Obama Is Clearly Behind This Conveniently Timed Oil Spill
My my, what a coincidence. Less than a month ago, Chairman Obama announced plans to finally give We the People what we’ve been demanding since this great country was founded: the right to engage in offshore coastal drilling for that… Read More ›
Speech Transcript, 4-15-10
On the afternoon of April 15, 2010, conservative pundit Oswald J. Carver III gave the following speech while attending a Tea Party Patriot rally near his hometown of [redacted]. Though Mr. Carver claims he was asked to speak by event organizers,… Read More ›
Let Freedom Ring
April 15. Tax Day. Or as I like to call it, Various Federal, State & Local Governments Rummaging Through My Wallet in Order to Buy Clean Needles for Junkies and Other Unconstitutional Purchases Day. But, like millions thousands of other… Read More ›
Apparently I Rocked Out With My **** Out
Quite an embarrassing start to the day — I woke up in an alley behind a 7-11, wearing nothing but socks and a lei. No wallet, no keys, nor any idea how I got there. Very strange, considering that the… Read More ›
March Fan Mail
This won’t come as a surprise to those who follow the Nielsen Blog Ratings, but my little soapbox here has been a smash hit since it returned in February. The upside is, tons of topless pictures from admiring female followers…. Read More ›
I’ve Seen The Light
When I awoke this morning, I realized something that I’ve probably known all along had I ever stopped to think about it: despite my vast wealth, possessions, rabid womanizing and freewheeling bachelor lifestyle, I am an empty vessel. None of… Read More ›
It Takes Money To Make Money
Since when did the phrase fiscal responsibility become synonymous with tightfisted cheapness? I’m referring, of course, to the recent “revelation” that the Republican National Committee is A) serious about winning elections and B) not run by a bunch of Amish… Read More ›
I Heart You Sarah Palin
Just a quick follow-up to yesterday’s post — how did I miss this beautiful bit of hate-mongering from the lovely Sarah Palin’s Facebook page? Hell yes. That woman clearly doesn’t know the meaning of “beating around the bush.” Though I’d… Read More ›
Crazy With A Chance Of Awesome
I’ve never been prouder to be a Republican than in the few days since the reigning communists booted their health care package through the legislative goalposts. And that’s really saying something, considering that the mere thought of my party affiliation… Read More ›
All The Rich Dudes
“I’ll tell you, I don’t think the G.O.P. has let me down this badly since they ran Dole back in ’96. What a useless old fossil he was.” This was Charles “Chuck” Luddite XV, CEO of Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs…. Read More ›
