I burst through the kitchen door, arms flailing wildly. My slack-jawed butler Montgomery was overseeing the maid and turned toward me as I stumbled forward, a smile on his face. “Top o’ the morning to you, guv’nor!” he said. “What… Read More ›
Rim Jobs
No, I Don’t Want To Buy Any Camels
“I’m sorry, Mr. Carver, but it will be another 30 minutes. All praise to Allah.” “You must be kidding me,” I replied testily. I was speaking with Fuad Arrokh, a low-level flunky at Luddite, Crapstone & Fuchs’ Saudi Arabian sister company,… Read More ›
Sometimes ‘Sorry’ Just Doesn’t Cut It
I don’t even know what to say about this one. Here’s the set-up: I’d invited Shaniqua, the prematurely dismissed whore from my ill-fated dinner party, to my place this evening for a little quality time. Make no mistake, though — by… Read More ›
I Love Me Some Secretaries
Maybe you didn’t know it, but today is National Secretary Day. So hugs and kisses to all you hot tomato secretaries out there. Sure, they call it “National Administrative Professionals Day” these days, but where I come from we call… Read More ›
I’m Badly Constipated
Dear sweet lord in heaven, it’s like my bowels are locked tight with super glue. I’ve tried everything: greasy food, hot sauce, liquor. Nothing works. I’m doomed. Then again, maybe a rim job from one of Madame Ching’s skilled masseuses… Read More ›
