I received a collect call last night from my close, personal friend Hank Williams Jr. Considering that today’s “A to Z April Challenge” topic was required to start with an “H,” his timing could not have been more fortuitous. “Oz?”… Read More ›
Travel
Apparently I Was One Of Hank’s Rowdy Friends Who Came Over Last Night
I’m finally back at my palatial estate following a rather harrowing, utterly unproductive weekend at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), and I couldn’t be happier to be home. That said, National Harbor, Maryland did have one last surprise for… Read More ›
Seven, Everyone’s A Loser
“For East Egg!” I bellowed, my homeland’s battle cry echoing off the walls of the dank and dusty back alley where I was engaged in a game of dice with three rather disreputable-looking gentlemen. I threw with gusto and rolled my… Read More ›
Stuck Inside Of Maryland With The CPAC Blues Again
I won’t lie to you — my last-minute sojourn to the majestic watering hole of grand American thought that is the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has not gone as planned. First, I discovered that my invitation was never lost… Read More ›
A Day At The Races
“And it’s Hairy Dumplings by a nose!” the announcer screamed over the PA down at the local race track. “Hairy Dumplings wins it by a nose!” “Goddammit!” I shouted before lunging towards my associate, Skynyrd Dave, and clocking him in… Read More ›
I’m Off To Saudi Arabia
Business, unfortunately, not pleasure. Not that it’ll keep me from enjoying a dark-eyed belly-dancer or three while I’m there. Don’t expect to hear from me again until Monday. If you’re Christian and plan on worshipping a zombie savior on Sunday,… Read More ›
Homeward Bound
My adventures in the putrid hellhole known as Arizona have come to an end. It turns out that Senator McCain was none too pleased with last night’s speech, and ordered his staff to put me on the first plane out… Read More ›
Speech Transcript, 3-12-10
The following speech was given by conservative pundit Oswald J. Carver III at the Phoenix, AZ Walmart Super Center the evening of March 12, 2010, ostensibly in support of Republican Senator John McCain. It is believed that the speaker in… Read More ›
The Senator Has Flipped His Lid
I just finished meeting with Arizona Senator John McCain to discuss my planned stump speeches on his behalf this weekend, and the man gave me a serious case of the heebie jeebies. I hate to say it, but I think… Read More ›
Arizona Is An Endless Burning Desert
Great Nixon’s Ghost, I never should have agreed to help John McCain with his Senate reelection bid. I just arrived in Arizona 30 minutes ago, and though it’s only 6:45 a.m. local time, it’s already hotter than the deepest pits… Read More ›
